Brown is Down

Brown, brown, brown. I do so hate the brown.
Red and black. Crimson and blue.
And blood and flesh.
These are my cloth and armor.

Brown is earth, brown is down.
Brown does not move or flash.
Brown is the blanket of the decomposing dead.

Oh I fear the brown of my lover’s hair
and still I dig there for roots
to desperately grasp and grasp
when I cry and release and fly away
in that beautiful little death.

[Gee golly. Am I preoccupied with sex much these days? Yep, looks like.]

Stayed

You should have just stayed
Driving you home last night
That wasn’t my plan

Nevermind that now
Why worry yourself with that
That’s my damned business

So forget about it
The nightmares are nothing big
Get used to them

My kitchen is bare
Everyone else’s lovers
Stir morning coffee

(Except my lover
Reassigned that chimera
After last night’s dream)

Maybe that’s not fair
Rather I should have mercy
You’re blind as a bat

That’s why I stumble
Every bleak Sunday morning
Grey, lazy, crazy

You’d have brewed coffee
Even brought me my breakfast
Then run fetched the mail

Lay on a sweet kiss
Send me off to the shower
Ready my wardrobe

Even stroked my hair
Run off those scary monsters
Sneaking up on me

Expel and then slay them
Maybe even replace them
More I can’t hope for

(Regarding last night
There’s, of course, all that business
Settled now, sundered

Do you think that’s it?
That’s really not it at all
Last night’s not the point

This morning is what
This is what you’re not getting)
Grey Sunday mornings

See, if I’d just snapped
Done what I set out to do
Obtained that new bond

Don’t think I’d be dead
Draped over this messy bed
Wishing you had stayed

Damn, you’d be here now
Wearing that endearing smile
Earning gratitude

(Early Sundays, love,
Even small scraps of grateful
Like blood from turnip)

Please understand this
Sunday mornings are awful

and I need you here

Wonder a while

The walls have nothing to say
and grieve

the windows only watch unaware
in pain

The clock keeps the time
with singular focus
denying it all

I am surrounded
by nothing that sees me
or knows me
but he beside me

I let my hand lay scarred
before my eyes
and wonder a while
amidst all of this

The sun set on his shoulder
and his hair did it’s best to distract me
but I listened to what he had said

He is my bones and my flesh
and surprise, I forgot
I am his

He said

The moon pulls at the sea
and waves beat at the earth
until it forms sand
to accommodate

accommodate me, the sea

So I wear his ring of laughter
the ghost of his kiss at my throat
and the gleam in his eye on my cheek

And that’s why it will all be okay

Gotta Lot To Do

Carve the body, keep the brain
Spirit open, public view
Grave my name against the grain
Still gotta lot to do

Subtle collar for my throat
Shrouding cloth for my tattoo
I ate the curse the doctor wrote
Still gotta lot to do

These roads and runs need traveling
Ruin and wreck to drive you through
What price from all this lagging on
Outrunning horrors I outgrew

No bargain, barter, dole or deal
No devil’s misbegotten due

I don’t know what I fell into
No vague conception, not a clue

This shadow puppet I pursue
Still gotta lot to do

Relearning everything I knew
Loving life and loving you

Wearing out my walking shoes
Still gotta lot to do

Then you, just off my outward wing

My softly spoken noble king

Your most surprising tongue, that kiss

The pulsing song within my wrists

Oh, hold me when I weary be

And I’ll obey your good decree

Come with me, boy, to far away
Where last I left my truly me
I’ll show you what I found today
Of my long lost identity

If you concede to come along
Each breath I’ll sing of love for you
Come on then, boy, and sing along
We’ve gotta lot to do