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Mary: You think she’s hot, don’t yah?
Matthew: Huh? Who?
Mary: Michelle Malkin. The chick you’re oogling.
Matthew: Wha? No. Of course not.
Mary: Dude, I know that look.
Matthew: I bet you do.
Mary: Don’t even. You think she’s hot!
Matthew: …well, yeah. Okay. She’s hot.
Mary: …
Matthew: Well, you asked.
Mary: So what’s she talking about?
Matthew: …something about Obama, I think.
Mary: Ha! So you’re not even listening.
Matthew: [piercing gaze]
Mary: What?
Matthew: You think she’s hot.
Mary: Wha? I…we’re talking about you thinking she’s hot.
Matthew: No, no, no. You think she’s hot.
Mary: Well, she’s attractive. You pretty much have to be to get on t.v., don’tcha?
Matthew: So what is it about her then? I might want to study up. Get some pointers here.
Mary: Look, why are you turning this around? I’m not mad that you find her attractive, you dork. I was just picking on you.
Matthew: It’s her voice, right?
Mary: …I was just pointing out that you haven’t heard a thing she’s said because you’re oogling.
Matthew: Yeah, I wasn’t really paying attention. What’d she say?
Mary: You know, I’d never call you a pig but that is pretty piggish.
Matthew: Ah! It is her voice, isn’t it?
Mary: …
Matthew: …
Mary: You’re an ass.
Matthew: Victory dance! Watch meh!
Mary: Ass.
Matthew: Gimme a break. I never get the win.

    Testicular targeting

Matthew: Agh!
Mary: Oh. Sorry.
Matthew: [strangled whimpering]
Mary: You should watch where you put those things.
Matthew: [choke, gasp]
Matthew: Come on, tough guy. Walk it off.
Mary: That really hurts, you know.
Matthew: …
Mary: …
Mary: Hurt so good! Come on, baby, make it hurt sooo good!
Matthew: Oh, I hate you.
Mary: Sometimes loooove don’t feel like it should!
Matthew: [chuckle]
Mary: You make it…[clap, clap]…hurt so goooood!
Matthew: Come on and make-it-uh…!
Chorus!: Hurt so goood!

    You’re still surprised…?

Matthew: [hammering a nail in the wall, misses the stud, makes a hole. Mutters.] Oh, goddamnit! What I am gonna do with this stupid hole?
Mary: I hate it when you call mommy bad names.
Matthew: …
Mary: [giggles]
Matthew: There’s something seriously wrong with you.
Mary: And it took you how long to figure this out?

    The giving and receiving of wisdom…

Matthew: [straining to break lose a nut with a wrench]
Mary: …
Matthew: [grunt, strain, groan]
Mary: …
Matthew: [grunt, groan] Come on. Come on, stupid nut. [groan again]
Mary: …
Matthew: Help?
Mary: In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins. Not through strength, but through persistence.
Matthew: Ooooh! Syllables!