Since I first watched Perez Hilton’s video rant against Carrie Prejean I’ve been musing over just why it infuriated me so very much. Today it occurred to me why I’m so inordinately angry at this pervert.

He’s an irrational, hateful bigot.

But even more than that, he encourages irrational, hateful bigotry in others.

Still worse than that though, he encourages irrational, hateful bigotry in others and pretends that he stands against irrational, hateful bigotry.

Even beyond that, he purposefully muddles the very concept of what is and what isn’t irrational, hateful bigotry. He’s a part of the reason why few people seem to even understand what irrational, hateful bigotry even is anymore.

I really do hope that Perez Hilton has never really experienced that brand of hatred. Because if he has then it says something pretty horrific about his character.

Let me tell you a story. I hesitate to tell this story and I’ve never shared it here before precisely because I’m certain almost no one will understand how I feel about the events I’m about to relay. But I’ll explain when I’m done, if you can bear with me.

Many years ago I met a young woman who I’ll call Jane. I met Jane at a little cafe, thought she was cute and struck up a conversation on a lark, not really intending to “pick up” anyone or anything. I just thought she was cute. We hit it off right away. Ended up talking for over an hour and, when I found out we both haunted some of the same local spots, made plans to bump into one another here and there sometime. And so we did.

After spotting her at a bar I frequented just a couple of days later, we spent the night partying together and had a grand old time. And with a little eye contact and whatnot I had the impression that Jane might be open for a bit more than casual friendship.

Now flash forward a week or two and Jane now knows I’m a lesbian. And I know that Jane “experimented” a bit in high school. And I had reason to believe she might be interested in “experimenting” a bit more. Which was fine and dandy with me because I was working on a nice little crush by then. So when she invited me out to her folk’s home for dinner one evening, I naturally accepted.

There I got to meet some of her family. Most notably her older brother, who we’ll call Bill. Bill didn’t like homosexuals and was pretty vocal about that. Especially when I was stupid enough to make absolutely no secret about which side of the seat my little feet were swinging from.

I managed to keep peace with Bill for Jane’s sake as well as the rest of the family, not wanting to make any waves for the very cute waitress I wanted so much to ingratiate myself to. I smiled and laughed and nodded agreeably at all the appropriate points. I even let on that there wasn’t anything between Jane and I to be concerned about. We were just friends, you see.

Nothing to see here. Move along, move along.

So a couple more weeks later when I’d managed to get to the kissy face stage of my relationship with Jane, Bill was not at all pleased. We never let him actually catch us at it or anything but it’s rather a difficult thing to hide from family members when you’re making out with one of their own. He wasn’t quite stupid enough to miss all the obvious signs, I suppose.

Bill decided he needed to take action to forestall any further progress of my relationship with his little sister. Looking back on the whole thing I get the impression that everything that followed stemmed from a particulary bizarre relationship between Bill and Jane. One which I’m not especially motivated to ponder over.

He invited me to tag along while he made a beer run one evening while we were all hanging out at the family home. Now being the sort to avoid being alone with any man at all unless absolutely necessary, I didn’t like the idea all that much. But the look in Jane’s eye convinced me to smile and tag along, I think because Bill had made an effort to appear accepting all that day. And that I think precisely so he could get me alone with him.

Once we were on the road and alone with one another Bill couldn’t help but make a few bitter remarks that made it clear he was working himself up to a good, solid round of telling me exactly what was one his mind. And that it largely consisted of hating me and the various reasons why.

It was a rather a “you just had to be there” kinda thing. The hatred and fury rolling of this man was simply frightening and the look on his face made his state of mind pretty evident. He wasn’t at all rational and there would be no reasoning with him, of this I was sure. I got frightened pretty quick. Enough that when he suddenly pulled off the road for no apparent reason I started to tremble.

Bill started in on me right away and I admit he had me intimidated pretty quickly, grabbing me by the wrist and literally shaking me to emphasis each point he communicated. He called me all the obscene names you might expect. Accused me of seducing his sister (which, really, was actually true I suppose), taking advantage of her (again, probably true) and even brainwashing her. The brainwashing thing I can at least deny, as I really haven’t much more than the vaguest notion how to go about brainwashing someone.

Now Bill was a fairly big boy and having him literally in my face, cursing and threatening while wrenching my wrist hard enough to bruise was enough to stir up every terror I had. But being the kind of person I am, that meant responding aggressively myself, despite being nearly so terrified as to void my bladder right there in the front seat.

So it naturally got violent. I cursed him and he punched me on the side of my head. I hit him back and we proceeded to tussle for a minute. But Bill was a fairly big boy, as I mentioned. And it wasn’t long before he had me dragged from his car and was grinding my face into the dirt on the side of the road.

Bill threatened to rape me. In so many words. It was never explicitly stated but I’ll leave it to your imagination as to how he communicated this to me.

And I think the only reason he didn’t is that I convinced him that he’d have to kill me if he did because I would certainly kill him otherwise. I at least was clear in communicating my threat. This was the incident that prompted me to begin working out in earnest and start boxing.

But he had to think it over before deciding to leave me on the side of the road to hitch a ride. I remember him standing over me, while I was still prone in the dirt, considering it – while his eyes burned with a hatred few people have the misfortune of witnessing directed at them.

He decided against it and left me there though. And I reported the entire incident to the police, though it naturally came to nothing in the end. Still, I ran into him again later, when I’d long since gotten my feet under me again. So I laid his jaw over his shoulder for him and put his face in the dirt that time, making sure he was too afraid to get up while I was still standing there.

There’s much more to this part of the story but I think you’ll excuse me if I skip over it all. Nothing to make the matter any more horrible, just details.

Now, the reason I hesitate to share this story is that it could (and almost certainly will) be construed as a plea for tolerance for homosexuals. I plea for no such thing. I believe we as a people should be completely intolerant of homosexuality and I don’t want to be any part of confusing compassion for homosexuals with tolerance of homosexuality.

Homosexuality is a disease. It’s a mental illness. A sexual dysfunction that causes a hell of a lot of suffering. We should have no more tolerance or acceptance of it than we have for any other destructive psychological condition. Yet I also think it unassailable that we should have compassion for those afflicted with it.

People like Perez Hilton though…these folks encourage irrational, hateful bigotry. But because they mask it behind a seeming intolerance of bigotry itself and thus thoroughly muddle the whole issue, few people can even grasp this position that I hold. And since I feel this is the correct position to hold toward homosexuality and homosexuals this angers me quite a good bit. Because of people like him and the stunning success they’ve had in propagating their hatred most people cannot fathom hating homosexuality while holding compassion for homosexuals. The two things have become melded together as one in order to prevent anyone from speaking against homosexuality without seeming a bigot. The irony being that these folks spew the most blatant bigotry toward those who oppose homosexuality.

I think Perez Hilton and those of his ilk have never experienced anything like true irrational, hateful bigotry. Because if they had then they would have to be almost unfathomably self-centered and selfish to encourage it in others in order to score a few points for their side. No decent human being who has ever experienced it first hand would ever consider using it to further their cause, whatever that cause might be.

This is why I say that I can only hope Perez Hilton has never experienced true hateful bigotry. Because if he has and yet still wields it himself to further the cause of promoting acceptance of homosexuality…then he’s as evil a human being as they come.