Whenever I mention my past and the things I suffered (and let’s be honest, as much of it as not of my own doing) people are always sympathetic and quick to be sure they’re noted as being sympathetic. And that’s all fine and good. I honestly do think that, though it may be a little sneer-worthy, it actually is rather important that it be expected behavior when some tragedy is mention that sympathy be shown. Even if it has to be somewhat false or insincere. I think it’s important for a healthy society to show intolerance for a lack of empathy.

But it always puts me in a peculiar position. Just as it’s considered appropriate to express empathy and sympathy for someone else’s tragedy it’s also rather expected that, once it’s shown, there will be reassurances that all is well, or at least will be well, in the end by whomever has suffered. That little reassurance all around that tragedy is a passing thing and all will be well in the end.

Jane Doe: I was attacked by ninjas the other day. One of them poked my eyeball out with a throwing star.
Jenny Row: Oh, that’s terrible! I’m so sorry that happened to you!
Jane Doe: Oh, well. I still have one good eye. And the eye patch is kinda sexy, don’tcha think?
Jenny Row: Well, every cloud has a silver lining!

The thing is…I don’t typically want to do that. I really do feel like I’m lucky, as odd as that may sound. As bad as my life has been, from what I’ve seen everyone else has had it just as bad. Certainly not the same troubles and tragedies exactly. And I can’t really say what the heck happened to everyone else in their individual lives. Haven’t a clue. But I know I’m just about as happy and content with my life as anyone else is. Maybe even more so. And I know that all the wounds I have and all the peculiarities about me that make my life so very interesting…well, maybe only a few people, if any, suffer those same things but they all seem to have other things just as bad to contend with in themselves.

For example, I may suffer from bouts of anxiety and even panic attacks at times. But I don’t have a husband who cheats on me habitually or whom I even doubt in that regard. I have nightmares more often than not that wake me literally screaming in the night. But I don’t come home after a long day of work and cry because I’m alone and no one loves me (okay, sometimes I do but I at least get to know that it’s not true). I can’t have children of my own and never will, barring some miraculous breakthrough in medical science. But I don’t have a problem with alcohol or, God forbid, something worse.

In all honesty, I think if I were to trade lives with any random person out there it would probably be absolutely awesome for about a week. It’d really be great. I would be so filled with joy at all the things that I suffer now being swept away and so many things that others take for granted being readily open to me. But I’m also sure that after that first week, once the novelty had worn off and I’d had my little vacation, I’d become aware of all the things that other person, who’s life I’d hijacked, had to contend with. And then about a month later I’d feel no better or worse about “my” life than I do right now.

So you’d think I’d have no problem saying, “Ah, well. I still have one good eye. And the eye patch is kinda sexy.”

But it’s hard for me. It feels false, insincere. Because there really are people out there who actually have it bad. And I mean bad in the sense that they really are more miserable than you and I are. They really are hurting worse than we are. They really, truly do have more to contend with. Enough that sometimes, perhaps all of the time, it’s more than they can take and still function. And so I always get just a little angry and ashamed. Angry that the sympathy being expressed towards me isn’t directed to people like them, who might actually find some strength from that kind of encouragement. Ashamed that it’s being wasted on me instead.

Seriously, folks. I’m fine. Sure I’ve got some troubles and some of them monumentally overwhelming at times. But no more than you. Different problems, sure, but no worse over all.