So, it’s weird being me sometimes.
A recent example: the police came, handcuffed me, drove me off and eventually let me go again. This was just a few days ago. And I find I’m more grateful than perturbed at having gone through all that.
Because, you see, I can understand. I can see the thing from their point of view and I’m grateful the our local police responded to the situation in the way they did. Had the same situation occurred with any other people (which is to say, a group of people not including myself) I would want them to react in the way that they.
So here’s the deal.
I wrote a while back about an acquaintance of mine, a lesbian who suffered in an abusive relationship, whom I’d tried my best to support. And when the time came that she left that relationship and sought safety from the inevitable retaliation for that, I helped her with that as well. The piece I wrote, here on this blog, was largely about how a Christian should approach such a situation.
(It’s here, if you’re interested)
I didn’t go into a lot of depth on this particular situation that had inspired that little article. If I had I would have probably mentioned something about statistics showing abused women return to those relationships, once they’ve escaped them, an average of seven or eight times before leaving permanently. Those that they survive that long, of course.
Because, as you’d expect, the woman I was talking about did indeed return to that relationship again. More than once. No surprise there. And I continued to lend her my support, offering safety and whatever help she need during all that.
Which is rather how I ended up being handcuffed and carted off by the cops.
You see, that last time she called me, in tears and begging for help, I went to help. Now, I’m not a complete fool. I knew full well there would be some ridiculous drama in all that but I went anyway. I know I, as discouraging as it may be, am likely the closest thing this woman has to an example of Christ in her life.
Let’s all take a moment and suffer the heartache that simple statement causes. And you’ll forgive me my anger at the body of Christ today that I’m the best example around for this woman. I mean really. That’s just a deplorable state of affairs.
So, and back to the point, I show up and find the abuser had returned home and caught her in the act of preparing to flee again. And she was not surprisingly very upset at this. She was in the process of shoving her into every available solid object in order to express her displeasure. So I, being the hothead that I am, naturally jumped right on in there and beat the hell out of her.
And don’t get me wrong. I fully believe that’s approximately how one should respond when confronted with one person abusing another. Most especially if you’re fairly confident you’re pugilist enough to dominate that situation. And I figured I was. And so I did.
I just didn’t give proper consideration to the overall situation. That I was on this woman’s property. And that the victim in all this, as one who understands such situations would likely predict, did not respond well to my beating the hell out of her abuser.
She, in fact, called the cops. And then hit me with a chair because I wouldn’t let the woman (forcing myself to speak politely here) up off the floor.
Well, to be honest, it probably had more to do with my holding her down on the floor by the throat. But still.
Which is about when I realized maybe I need to extract myself from the drama a bit. So I stepped back and, considering she’d already called the cops for me, let things play out as they may until they arrived. I figured if one jumped on the other again I’d just make sure no one got themselves killed and leave it at that. And I was prepared to defend myself if, as I predicted, I became the target of all the anger flowing around. So I let her up, backed off, limped backwards out the door and took refuge out in the yard waiting for the cops.
You know. Where I could still discern what was going on in there a bit but take off running if need be. Like I said, not a complete fool.
Now, it really shouldn’t have surprised me all things considered, but I was surprised nevertheless when the abuser told the cops a wacky story about my coming over, picking a fight and just attacking her for no reason. I mean, it was an obvious load of bull and the woman couldn’t even lie worth a darn. Never mind my friend standing there obviously beat all to hell and back. And I know cops well enough to know they can usually see through even a very well crafted load of bull, even when told well. But it surprised me, though it shouldn’t have, when my friend backed her up on it.
Hence my getting cuffed and carted off for a bit.
Now, the area where the cops earned my respect here is this: They knew full well the whole thing was bull. They already knew me, knew the two other women and, in fact, were intimately familiar with the whole history between all three of us there. They already knew the whole story before they even asked my version of events. It was obvious when they asked me that they already knew. And so I was carted off down the street a couple of blocks just to remove me from the situation until they could get the real deal out of the knuckleheads back at the house.
In the end I hung out with a couple of the cops I knew well and we waited for the cops on the scene to hash things out. Eventually they did. My friend pressed charges against that other knucklehead and went on to the shelter again. The cops then gave me the rote chastising for getting involved in the whole thing (and really, I certainly could have and should have went about it all much better) and that was that.
Leaving me with three thoughts on the whole matter:
1) I really hope my friend either doesn’t return to all that again or at least survives her next return long enough to get back out again.
2) The cops around here aren’t all that bad. In fact, pretty much anyone that gets me out of some stupidity of mine has my respect. So there you go.
3) I’m getting too old for all this drama. I mean, really. Getting cuffed and carted off would been a furiously exciting time for me not all that long ago. Now, not so much. No longer on my list of happy fun times.
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